The Idiot’s Guide to National Signing Day 2017

The Bearcats haven’t played a football game since November, but the coaching change and Top 15 basketball team have whisked us through December and January and we’ve arrived at National Signing Day.

I’ve always had a weird relationship with National Signing Day. On one hand, I love a good excuse to camp on Twitter all day and wait for good Bearcats news to trickle in. On the other hand, I’m not a football scout and don’t closely follow football recruiting. Unlike with basketball, there’s typically an annoying wait between NSD and the moment a coveted recruit finally makes an impact on the field. For that reason, I rarely get wrapped up in scouting reports and 40 times. I still want to know who the Bearcats are adding, so the first Wednesday in February is typically devoted to me learning a few useless facts about each signee. For the first time, I’ll be sharing it with you.

Without further ado, The Idiot’s Guide to National Signing Day. A guide for idiots. Made by an idiot.

This will update as the signings roll in. Keep checking back.

(thecrescentbuzz.com)

Jaelen Greene, running back

Sandy Creek | GA

• Chose UC over Western Michigan, Marshall, and ECU
• Graduating from the same high school as former Bearcat WR Alex Chisum and retired Lions WR Calvin Johnson
• Runs a verified 4.38 40
• Thing I will say at some point: “Folks, I call that touchdown Jill Stein because it’s a Greene Party in the end zone.”

(Dayton Daily News)

Cody Lamb, offensive tackle

Miamisburg | OH

• Chose UC over Toledo, Marshall, Air Force, ECU, and UConn
• One of WCPO’s 50 Area Players To Watch
• From the same town as the guy who scored the NFL’s first TD
• Thing Jon Gruden would say about him: “His name may be Lamb, but he sure doesn’t play like one!”

Blake Yager, offensive tackle

Iowa Western CC | IA

• Chose UC over West Virginia, Western Michigan, and East Carolina
• Apparently likes schools with directions in their name (should we question his committment to Cincinnati?!)
• He’s 6’5″ and 300lbs, which is bigger than me.
• Just kidding about questioning you, Blake.

Desmond Ridder, quarterback

St. Xavier | KY

• Graduating from St. Xavier, but not that St. Xavier.
• Imagine how insufferable I would be if his last name were Riddler instead of Ridder and he made a big play. You guys dodged a bullet.
• He’s a dual threat QB, which I’ve always felt like is a football cheat code. I mean, either be good at throwing or running. Choose one. Both? Okay.

(tristatefootball.com)

Jarell White, defensive back

LaSalle | OH

• Chose UC over Iowa, Pitt, Illinois, Kentucky, and Purdue
• Highest-rated Cincinnati-area commit since 2009 (Chris Williams)
• Played RB in high school and scored 37 total TDs on a team that won three-consecutive state titles
• Graduating from the same high school as Mick Cronin and Brent Celek
• His name is super close to Jaleel White, the actor who played Steve Urkel

(therepublicphotos.com)

Wil Huber, tight end

Franklin Central | IN

• Chose UC over Air Force, Ohio, and Ball State
• Has a 4.1 GPA
• Hates losing so much that he only has one “L” in his first name

Javan Hawes, wide receiver

Sandy Creek | GA

• Chose UC over Minnesota, Temple, ECU, and Purdue
• Graduating from the same high school as former Bearcat WR Alex Chisum and retired Lions WR Calvin Johnson
• Looks… eerily… like a young Oscar Robertson

(Ben Ennis)

Marquese Taylor, defensive back

Lovejoy | GA

• Chose UC over California, Colorado State, and East Carolina
• Sorry, still hung up on how cool Lovejoy sounds
• Graduating from the same high school as former Georgia Tech standout running back Tashard Choice
• His home town has an outlet mall listed under “Attractions”, so I’m thinking it’s not a super crazy place
• The defensive backs in this recruiting class are absolutely absurd

(Journal-News)

Cole Smith, kicker

Middletown | OH

• Graduating from the same high school as former Bearcats safety Zach Edwards
• If a recruit is named Cole, you pretty much know he’s a kicker. If you catch my drift.
• Probably the best Twitter game in this recruiting class.
• I bet he could kick a 65-yard field goal, but I’m not gonna tell Fickell to let him try, because I got blocked by the last coach for doing that.

(fridaynightohio.com)

Vincent McConnell, offensive tackle

Massillon | OH

• Chose UC over Toledo, Army, Syracuse, and Bowling Green
• From the same town as Paul & Mike Brown, Bob Knight, and the inventor of the open-web steel joist
• The photo I chose isn’t really the most flattering from a football perspective, but it’s the best I could find. Sorry.

(usatodayhss.com)

RJ Potts, linebacker

Fishers | IN

• Chose UC over Notre Dame, Nebraska, Mizzou, Indiana, and Purdue
• Dad played fullback in the NFL
• Highest-rated UC football commit since 2011 (Jameel Poteat)
• Led his high school team in tackles as a freshman
• From the same town (Fishers, IN) as UC sprinter Khalid Fuller
• Reggie Miller owned a house in Fishers, IN before it was destroyed by an arsonist in May 1997

(Columbus Dispatch)

Darrick Forrest, defensive back

Walnut Ridge | OH

• Chose UC over Ohio, Ball State, and Miami (OH)
• He’s from Columbus and was primarily recruited by Luke Fickell, so I’m gonna trust he’s good
• His high school’s nickname was the Scots. Interested to see how he performs on a team with an actual nickname.

(Tampa Bay Times)

Rashaad Stewart, defensive back

Clearwater Central Catholic | FL

• Chose UC over Louisville, Vanderbilt, Marshall, and Boston College
• Hulk Hogan’s daughter briefly went to this high school.
• Clifton isn’t as warm as Clearwater. I hope he’s ready.

(tristatefootball.com)

Kyle Bolden, linebacker

Colerain | OH

• Chose UC over Maryland, Marshall, Western Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois
• Graduating from the same high school as former UC WR Dominick Goodman
• Looks poised to be UC’s next Travis Kelce ????
• Has the same name as Stevie Wonder’s guitarist, but probably has never played guitar with Stevie Wonder

(Cleveland.com)

Jabari Taylor, defensive lineman

Archbishop Hoban | OH

• Chose UC over Akron
• Graduating from Archbisop Hoban, where they have “Mum Day.” On the Friday of the week Hoban plays St. Vincent-St. Mary (LeBron’s HS) the students and teachers are silent from the time they enter the building until the afternoon pep rally.
• Weighs more than LeBron.

(247sports.com)

Ben Hutch, defensive lineman

Hillsboro | TN

• Chose UC over Louisville, Penn State, Ole Miss, Nebraska, Tennessee, Texas A&M, and Kentucky
• Listed at 6’3” 315lbs — is huge.
• Graduating from the same high school as director Harmony Korine, musician Brandon Heath, and the guitarist from Limp Bizkit.
• The word “hutch” sometimes refers to that piece of furniture that’s like a set of cabinets with a desk in it. I’m not really sure. Anyways, I think Ben Hutch is bigger than that kind of hutch.

(ScoutingOhio.com)

Trent Cloud, wide receiver

Bedford | OH

• Chose UC over Wisconsin, Toledo, and Marshall
• Graduating from the same high school as Halle Berry and former Bills WR Lee Evans
• From the same high school as Bearcats defensive end Marquise Copeland
• I can tell by his last name that he’s got soft hands. Great for a WR.

(CandGnews.com)

Lorenzo McCaskill, linebacker

Southfield | MI

• Chose UC over Western Michigan, Toledo, and Purdue
• From the same hometown as former Bearcat Connor Barwin
• Graduating from the same high school as former Bearcat Leviticus Payne, which means the Bearcats have gotten two defensive players from Southfield: One “pain” and one “kill”. Great intangibles

Jakari Robinson, offensive lineman

Munford | AL

• Scout.com once speculated that he could be the best center in Alabama
• UC is roughly 35x more populated than his hometown.
• The Bearcats now have a Jakari and a Jabari in this recruiting class, which proves Cincinnati is untouchable when it comes to great names.

(Toledo Blade)

Michael Warren, running back

Toledo Central Catholic | OH

• Chose UC over Minnesota, Iowa, Iowa State, Boston College, and Kentucky
• Ohio Mr. Football 2016
• Based on 247Sports’ rating of 92, he’s the highest-rated signing in this class (per that publication)
• Graduating from the same high school as Gene Kranz — Apollo 13 flight director (the one Ed Harris played in the movie) and MLB umpire Jim Joyce

(PennLive.com)

Noah Hamilin, defensive back

Clairton | PA

• Chose UC over Temple, Iowa State, Toledo, and Boston College
• In 2012, the Clairton Bears broke the Pennsylvania record for consecutive wins with 60. The streak lastest 66 games.
• Seriously, the defensive backs UC got in this recruiting class are insane.

(Toledo Blade)

Coby Bryant, defensive back

Glenville | OH

• Chose UC over Western Michigan, Marshall, and Buffalo
• Younger brother of former Buckeye safety Christian Bryant
• Graduating from the same high school as Steve Harvey, the creators of Superman, and Cardale Jones (the world’s best dinner party)
• Has the best name in this recruiting class, and will help replace Mike Tyson in the secondary, which proves Cincinnati is untouchable when it comes to great names.